


Sharing different heartbeats

by BrilliantlyHorrid



Series: We'll take it slow [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Can you feel the slow burn?, Coulson gets in his own head, Coulson loves Skye, F/M, Pheels, Skye needs some time, Unrequited Love, almost there, skoulsonfest2k15redux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrilliantlyHorrid/pseuds/BrilliantlyHorrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is doing fine.<br/>Really.</p><p>SkoulsonFest Day 6: Past prompt (Dr. Garner's Files,) "You two have a lot in common."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharing different heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> Almost there kids! We're in Coulson's head now, always a pleasure. One more after this to wrap up the fest. Waaah, why is it almost over?

Phil was doing fine.

_Really._

He would admit to being a bit irritated, but only because the rest of the team insisted on giving him pitying looks every time they thought he couldn’t see them. He didn’t want their pity, and didn’t need it. He just needed things to run normally, so he could do his job.

That’s all.

He was _fine_.

Skye going away without giving him an answer (which was a major indicator that answer would be ‘no.’ Which was perfectly okay,) didn’t bother him, he knew it was the best choice for her. He believed her when she said she wasn’t bothered by it, but he had to imagine the experience was strange for her.

It was strange for him too.

It was strange to suddenly realize that there was a _reason_ this person mattered so much to him, why the first thought in his mind those days had become ‘ _but is Skye okay_?’ It had come to him at a time when she was decidedly _not okay_ , a time far earlier than he was willing to admit.

Hearing about Skye as a baby from Agent Lumley, he thought, should have brought out something resembling paternal feelings. Right? Picturing her as an infant, in the middle of a world that was falling apart around her, should have brought out something nurturing and protective in him. But it didn’t. He couldn’t really see Skye as a helpless baby, because that was so far from who she was today. She was strong and capable, stronger than he could ever be, which was proven with her completely out-of-left-field reaction to hearing about her tragic origins.

It was then, when he placed a gentle hand on her cheek and wiped away her tears, that Phil Coulson first thought:

_Uh oh._

It was incredibly inappropriate, considering the terrible circumstances, but he supposed those kinds of realizations never came at a convenient time. So there it was, he had feelings for Skye. Funny, awkward, beautiful, _young_ , brilliant, brave Skye.

Well, when he put it that way, he couldn’t exactly blame himself. He wouldn’t act on it, of course he wouldn’t. She may not have been a SHIELD agent, but she was going to be, and the rules were absolutely clear on that. But he would be there for her, in times like these, and he wouldn’t let his feelings get in the way.

Later, when he held her hand as the Bus shook through the storm, he knew that he would give her whatever she needed.

And now she needed time.

 

“I’d like to talk about Skye, if that’s alright with you,” Dr. Garner said, and Coulson had half a mind to say ‘it’s not, next topic please.’

“It’s not. Next topic please.”

 _So more than half_ , he supposed.

Andrew sighed in that barely audible way of his. Exasperation on a psychologist was not exactly helpful, so the man tried to keep it to a minimum. According to May, both Coulson and Skye had been severely testing him.

“Before you completely shut the idea down, I just ask you to think about whether or not discussing it might help,” Andrew said, diplomatically.

“I’m not sure why you think it would be helpful,” Coulson shrugged, and the look the doctor gave him was pure May. ‘ _Don’t bullshit me,_ ’ that face said. The two of them spending time together again had its ups _and_ downs.

“She’s gone. She’s working on a project that I asked her to. She’ll be back. There’s nothing to discuss.”

Andrew nodded, but looked nowhere near done. “This project, it’s the one the two of you have been working on together?” Coulson just stared. “Just the two of you?”

“If you think I’m behaving inappropriately--”

“No one is saying that,” Andrew said, putting up a pacifying hand. Phil breathed deeply through his nose, attempting to lower his hackles.

_Sure they are._

It was a sensitive topic for him to begin with, but he had learned to not take it so personally. People would always, _always_ question his relationship with Skye, so he had to get used to dealing with that early on. If he denied their closeness when it was presented as questionable, that only proved the point. If he denied that it was paternal, the pendulum would swing in the other direction. _Then how_ do _you feel_ , their faces would say.

The only times he really struggled were when it was referred to in a way that was degrading. Gonzales’ ‘pet’ comment? He’d seen the tapes from Vault D. Coulson wasn’t usually one to speak ill of the dead, but hearing that had left a particularly sour taste in his mouth.

“You know, the two of you have a lot in common,” Andrew said, and Coulson raised an eyebrow. “She doesn’t like talking to me either.”

“Should you even be saying that? Confidentiality and all?” He crossed his arms, suddenly curious if Skye mentioned anything to Andrew before she left. From the sound of it, he was thinking no. Maybe? “Since Skye left, everyone is looking at me and talking to me like I’m supposed to be upset,” Coulson said.

“ _Are_ you upset?”

“Of course not,” Coulson snapped. Andrew raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m upset _now_.”

Andrew smiled slightly, and Phil rubbed at his face, suddenly tired. “There’s nothing to be upset about. Skye and I spoke about her leaving, and why it’s a good idea.”

“And were all these reasons work-related?”

Coulson watched Andrew for a few beats, looking for any signs of disapproval or suspicion. There were none, just his patented professional curiosity.

“No, they were not.” Maybe it would be helpful to talk to someone. When he internalized things, they didn’t typically go well. In fact, (mostly) internalizing his feelings for Skye had gone surprisingly well. Partly because he didn’t really think he was internalizing them all that much. _Except she had no idea._ That had surprised him, he’d admit it. He wasn’t expecting her to return his feelings, but he had been under the assumption that at least she _knew_. He’d thought she was confirming it that day, but for once in their lives they were on different wavelengths.

“I told Skye that I have feelings for her.” He watched Dr. Garner for a reaction yet again, and yet again did not get one.

“And what was her response?”

So he hadn’t talked to Skye about it. Or if he did, he was looking to see how Coulson saw her reaction, and how it was affecting him. (Seeing a shrink as a profiler? Far more complicated than the usual appointment, he assumed.)

“Surprise, mostly. Shock even, maybe. Not disturbed, but definitely not something she was expecting.” Disgust, betrayal, any negative reaction had been his major fear, especially with her apparently not knowing.

 _How did she not know?_ It baffled him, really. He had never been able to hide anything from Skye, so along the way he assumed that she had figured it out. And since they had always seemed to be on the same level…

So he hadn’t been _expecting_ her to return his feelings. But he wouldn’t have went about it the way he did if he knew she was completely in the dark. His face must have been miserable, because Andrew’s tone seemed to soften a bit.

“Surprise doesn’t exactly indicate a rejection, Phil,” he told him, but Coulson sunk slightly lower in his seat.

“Surprise and fleeing might,” he said, knowing he was being childish. Skye was not obligated to return his feelings, and regardless of what happened, he would continue to work with her and be supportive of her and not make her uncomfortable.

But he was allowed to mope, wasn’t he? Heartbreak and everything? He was a little out of practice with normal life, but from what he could recall, unrequited love was sufficient reason for a brief period of dreariness.

“You’re so certain that she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“This still qualifies as an official visit, doesn’t it? Because it feels like you’re asking me about my love life.”

Andrew sighed. “This is a professional session.”

“Good,” Coulson replied. “Because I’d prefer not to hear your ex-wife’s take on it later. The orthopedic surgeon? May’s 30th birthday?” He doubted that May of these days would ever want to talk to him about his personal life, but spending more time with Andrew was bringing back memories of the sneaky May of their (relative) youth. And together, the pair could be downright diabolical.

Andrew smiled his acquiescence. “She won’t hear about it from me.”

“I was under the impression that Skye was aware of how I felt. Everyone else seems to form an opinion,” he said, with just a touch of bitterness. “Some of them think I’m like her father, which adds a whole different level of weird.” Is that how Skye felt? The idea made him slightly nauseous. He couldn't imagine how terrible this ordeal would be for her if that was the case.

“Is her absence bothering you? Because of the timing?” Andrew crossed one leg over the other, and Coulson found himself copying the other man’s posture. Was he nervous?

“Skye being absent has never been my favorite thing,” Phil joked, and Andrew chuckled. “She said something, when we were first talking about her...taking a trip.” Dr. Garner didn’t interrupt, just gestured for him to continue. “She said that _bad things_ seem to happen whenever we’re apart.”

“Bad things happen all the time, these days,” Dr. Garner countered, and Phil shrugged.

“Not untrue. But they seem _worse_ , when we’re apart,” he admitted, and he saw Andrew straighten up a bit. _What did I say?_

“Is that your feeling about it or Skye’s?”

“I--” He thought about it. It was his, obviously, Skye had never said that. But could she feel the same way? The whole debacle started because she was worried about leaving, about being separated from him.

Did Skye feel that things were more dire when they weren’t together? It would be encouraging, in a weird way. It would be another example of her having the same feelings as him, but she just hadn’t classified them the way he had. Having been on her own for so long, and suddenly being brought into the SHIELD brand of chaos, it would make sense that Skye might be unsure how exactly she felt. Maybe unwilling to even explore it. After all, the girl had seen dozens of foster homes, felt rejection in nearly every phase of her life, maybe subconsciously she avoided the change. It was too risky, and could possibly disrupt the delicate home she had created for herself.

If he was, somehow, deemed a patriarchal figure in their team, would Outsider Skye even contemplate a relationship?

Realizing he was probably psychoanalyzing Skye too much, Phil decided to dial it back. He had his little crumb of hope, it was up to Skye to sort out her feelings. He could wait.

“Well,” Andrew said, looking at his watch. “I hate to cut and run, but we’re out of time and it looks like we might have touched on some important things, so--”

“You’re sneaking out for dinner again, aren’t you?”

Looking caught, Dr. Garner sighed. “We found a really great tapas place,” he replied, knowing the best appeal to make to Coulson involved food. “You should go sometime.”

‘ _Maybe take Skye,’_ was what the accompanying eyebrow raise said, so Coulson just walked him out instead.

“Have a nice dinner, Dr. Garner,” he told him, and closed the door as he left.

Walking back to his desk, Coulson stretched his arms above his head and groaned. Okay, so he didn't necessarily have a plan, but he had _something_. A glimmer of hope, or at least a decent amount of understanding.

Skye would figure it out.

Everything would be fine.

 

Then the world imploded around him.

***

Coulson stirred, squinting painfully against the bright lights. He’d been in the makeshift hospital room for a few days, conscious for one and half of them, but it was still jarring each time he woke up. The confusion that came along with the mild concussion and the slow introduction of pain meds was probably not helping. Struggling to sit up, he winced. Tiny cuts, searing into his skin when the windows of his office shattered, covered a decent part of his arms and torso. Ribs not broken, but bruised. A laceration over his eye that bled quite a bit, but it was an injury he was oddly used to.

The Playground. Gone.

He didn’t know how they’d found it, but they did, and didn’t seem to have any interest in leaving survivors. While their aim was decent, their timing was shit, with the majority of the lower level agents out that day for field training. 

They were lucky.

He ought to give Mack and Simmons an award of some sort, he thought after finding out how they’d handled the evacuation of lab and garage staff.

He also should probably give one to Andrew, who ran back in and dug him out of the debris in what was left of his office. 

If what he saw as he was dragged out of the base was any indication, his office got the worst of it.

Maybe Ward didn’t care so much about eliminating the _rest_ of SHIELD.

A commotion down the hall caught his attention, and he tried to sit up a little more to listen. The current base was more of a “break in case of emergency” situation, with the backups of all their data and sufficient equipment to treat the injured. He didn’t even want to think about the more permanent move, not until the ringing in his ears completely stopped.

Despite the ringing he could hear loud voices--well, one particularly loud voice and a few hushed ones trying to placate it. He barely had processed why that voice sounded so familiar when a very angry Skye appeared in the doorway of his room.

“Skye, _I know_ but he could be slee--”

“He’s not,” Skye told Simmons flatly, and the scientist appeared, peeking over Skye at Coulson. She sighed, exasperated but understanding, placing her hand briefly on Skye’s shoulder. The other woman’s posture seemed to relax a bit at the contact, her shoulders slumping slightly, but her eyes remained trained on Phil.

Simmons, bless her, quietly stepped away, giving them privacy.

Phil opened his mouth to say something, but was at a loss for words.

“What _the hell_ , Coulson?” Skye demanded, her energy very much returned. She stomped over to his bed, and while Coulson would never say he was afraid of Skye, he was...alarmed. Her bangs were sticking up in places, her clothes were rumpled, but the worst of it was her eyes. Everything else about her, her voice, her stride, the way her hands were balled tightly into fists, all of that screamed anger, frustration.

But her eyes were big, wet and terrified.

“I’m--” Phil tried to speak, his voice scratchy from disuse. Skye was at his side immediately, those eyes running over him, cataloging every scratch. He felt exposed, wishing she had come at a later date when he was more healed--

“How did you find us?” He asked.

She burst into tears.

With his one available hand at the moment, he reached over to grasp Skye’s. At the movement Skye rapidly wiped her tears, taking a few calming breaths.

“I came back early, because--” She cut herself off, looking like she needed another minute. Pursing her lips briefly, and giving her head a little shake, she looked back at him. “I came back and the Playground was just…”

Dust. Rubble. Ruins.

“I’m so sorry, Skye,” he told her quietly. “I thought you were going to be gone longer, that I could contact you directly once I was--” Conscious. Healed. No longer feeling like a failure and a disaster. “That was stupid.”

“It was,” Skye said with a watery voice, and he smiled slightly. “But you were the only one who could-- who knew where I really was. Except Billy.”

Billy.

_Of course._

“You found him,” he surmised, impressed.

“He found me,” Skye admitted. “I went to the next town over, panicking, seeing if I could find anyone. I was a mess, pretty much running out of this coffee shop when he pulled me aside.” She smiled sardonically, and Coulson wasn’t sure if it was the head injury or the meds but he _really_ missed her right then. “I basically cried all over him in an alley, it was messy. Ruined his sweater. I think he might be a little in love with me now.”

_Join the club._

“Join the club,” said Phil’s medication. He winced, then glared at his IV accusingly. _Not the time,_ he thought helplessly. There was no worse time to have her thinking about that.

“Hey,” Skye said quietly, and he looked up.

Soft lips pressed themselves to his.

 _Skye’s_ soft lips.

Skye was kissing him.

A bit stunned and very confused he let her, watching her face, then her hands. One was gripping the rail of his bed, while the other he could feel, her fingers twisted into the fabric of his hospital gown, right over his beating heart.

Slowly she pulled away, and Coulson immediately felt a wave of melancholy wash over him.

“Skye,” he said quietly, and she leaned in again, one hand moving up to cup his cheek. He let it happen, feeling ashamed as he did it, but he just needed one more moment. She kissed him again, and Coulson allowed himself to kiss back, just for a second. Feeling Skye move into him more, he leaned back, placing his hand over hers and removing it from his cheek. He continued to hold it, looking at her sadly.

“What--what’s wrong?” Skye asked, genuinely sounding confused and hurt and Coulson hated himself for it.

“Skye, you don’t want this,” he reminded her gently, anticipating her indignant look. “I’m not saying you’re being dishonest, but these are...extenuating circumstances.”

“Oh?” Skye asked, swallowing heavily.

“You were away, after I... _unloaded_ my feelings on you,” he began, already seeing her argument forming because she was Skye and she was wonderful but he _wasn’t_ wrong here. “You thought we were dead, and the way you and I left things…” She probably felt terribly guilty, horrified that he was gone and she was alone and she had as good as told him she did not feel the same way.

“That’s not…” Skye argued, more sad than angry. He squeezed her hand, watching as she shut her eyes tightly.

“I’m not doubting you Skye, I’m not doubting that you’re feeling a lot right now, but I would hate for you to make this decision because I’m hurt. I don’t want you regretting that, or feeling obligated to--”

“Shut _up_ ,” Skye hissed, and Coulson nearly reeled back in surprise. Removing her hand from his, she stared him down. Phil tried to interpret the look he was seeing in her eyes, but struggling. There was _so much_ there.

A quiet knock at the doorway drew both of their attention.

“You’re back,” May observed. If she noticed that she had walked in on a scene then she didn’t acknowledge it.

Skye nodded. “I’m glad you’re safe,” she told her S.O, and May gave her what counted as a smile.

“Likewise.”

Skye straightened up, looking at Coulson. Her expression was calmer, but no less unreadable. “You should rest,” she told him, and Phil cleared his throat, nodding. She was leaving. He could feel the setting of his jaw, something Skye must have seen because she placed her hand back on the rail of his bed. Not touching him, but close. “I’ll come see you in a bit.”

She wasn’t _leaving_. At least not yet.

May waited in the doorway as Skye began to walk over to her. “You were scheduled to be out for another week,” she pointed out, but didn't ask where she’d been. Coulson laid back down slowly, just medicated enough that he probably could actually sleep now. Closing his eyes, he listened to Skye and May prepare to leave him. He liked them together, he thought, sleepily.

“Why’d you come back early?” May asked, probably as relieved as Coulson that Skye returned _after_ the attack.

“I realized I forgot something important,” Skye responded, her voice beginning to fade as they walked out of the room. “I was coming back to get it.”

 

 


End file.
